I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
