why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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