do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
