Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
