Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
