Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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