I'm really into asian looking animals
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
