My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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