..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
