wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize