My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
