he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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