My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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