did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
