Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
