So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
