Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
