I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
