what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
