I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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