you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
