Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
