I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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