Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
