If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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