I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
BRING THE BAGELS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
