Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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