Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
