we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
