Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
