i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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