3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
