my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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