Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
