What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
