areolas are like halos for boobs.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This is my gift to your gina
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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