I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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