1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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