You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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