Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
