My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
