Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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