if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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