yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
