i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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