White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There's always time for handjobs
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
