The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize