at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
