woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
