so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize