is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize