stop calling my apartment porn island.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Panties = found
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize