Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
