im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I could make wine with my vomit
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
