Why are handjobs necessary in class?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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