Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
