Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
