I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
