Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
