I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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