He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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