I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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