is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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