Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
