plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
