Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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