Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
