Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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