he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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